Everyday I help people escape horrible relationships. Sometimes there is physical violence and the answer is clear, leave or risk death. Even in those cases it is difficult to stop loving that person. More often I see people, mostly women who are involved in an unhealthy relationship and want to leave before it gets to a place of physical danger. Regardless of what stage the relationship ends, endings are difficult.
I recently had a two year relationship end. It was sudden, like a car crash. Technically he was a rebound guy and never really should have been a relationship. He was the ultimate bad boy hot and I was classic divorcee drawn to him. My sister cautioned me that he looked too much like my original husband and threw caution flags. She was afraid I was trying to relive my youth. He looked like Adam Levine and I was only too happy to point out that I was fine after my divorce because I got to fuck with this guy.
I should have left it there but about six months in he just never went home. He was easy going and super affectionate. I enjoyed being adored. I rented tuxedos and took him to fancy events. We took a horse drawn carriage ride through a vineyard, the grapes smelled amazing and I was convinced I was living my best life. He had his own interests and I had mine. Not only did I enjoy my time with him but I enjoyed my time alone or with my friends. He played darts 3 nights a week and I joked that I shared custody of him. I did not know that he required constant supervision.
One Wednesday in January, he had the day off work due to lack of projects. He text me at work and told me he'd made us a special dinner and that I wasn't allowed in the bedroom when I got home. I told my coworkers and one said, "OMG, he's going to propose!" My blood ran a little cold but I laughed it off. When I got home there was a special dinner which I wasn't hungry for. Sure enough after dinner he led me to the bedroom with my eyes closed, I joked that he must have painted the bedroom. Instead I heard a ring box open and saw him down on his knee. There were rose petals on the bed and candles lit the room, it was perfect. I froze, couldn't say anything when he popped the question. The silence drug on painfully and then he said, "It can be a long engagement." I snapped out of it and said yes because I wasn't ready for it to be over. I too, can be a stupid girl at times.
Not even two months later a fantastic friend called me at work and told me she needed to see me as soon as I was done. When I clocked out we got in my car and went for a ride which is the second best way to chat if its too cold to walk.
I opened with, "Who is talking shit about me now?" The level of happiness I was living had attracted a lot of haters.
"Its not shit, its truth and I just have to blurt it out before I lose my nerve," she said with a shaky voice.
She was an addiction counselor. One of her clients was going through a divorce and she asked how that was effecting her recovery. The girl laughed and said, "The single life is quite excellent because I get to fuck with a guy like this," and turned the phone to show my friend a picture of my sexy fiance nude.
My friend said, "Omg is that David!?"
"Oh you know him?" the client responded seeming a little shocked.
"Apparently not as well as I thought. His fiance married me this summer and I was planning on marrying them this fall." She confirmed that it was in fact my fiance through his Facebook page.
The girl apologized and said he did say he was seeing someone.She said she wouldn't see him anymore but my friend told her that she could keep him.
I was fucking stunned and confused. I went home and asked him for an explanation of why someone had a photo of him on their phone and claimed to be fucking with him. He said he had no idea what I was talking about and left. Walked right out. He did not come home that night. When grown ass adults have issues, they still come home. Maybe you sleep on the couch but you return home. He did text the next day to see if he could come pick up some stuff. He then text to say he was five minutes out and had a friend with him. This super pissed me off. After two years he wasn't willing to give me a conversation about this. I understand that people make mistakes and committed couples can overcome a lot. He said there was nothing to talk about, he did nothing wrong and I was making wrongful accusations. All I wanted was an explanation why I had photo proof of his infidelity.
He came in and walked right past me to get his clothes silently. I said, "If this is so easy for you take it all and just keep going. This isn't easy for me and I can't be here right now. I'll see you later," and grabbed my purse. I thought for a minute and then said, "Actually I guess I'll never see you again!" and headed to the mall to buy new bedding because that's what girls do after a break up.
I never did see him again. He changed his phone number. He blocked me on Facebook. I hated not having closure. A brilliant friend pointed out during my last break up, why seek a conversation with someone who just tells lies. I started putting it together and made my own closure story. I was putting in a lot of hours at work for No More week. I spoke every night about domestic violence, sexual assault and human trafficking. I was exhausted and not feeling sexy at all. He was off work because of a labor dispute and felt bad about himself and needed extra attention. He played on the only skill he had and flirted his way right into an affair.
Luckily I have written a book about recovering from the end of relationship. Now its my turn to try it out and recover my own damn self.
